hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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