You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
