You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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