i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
