Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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