connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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