I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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