I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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