If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
