I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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