someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You pole danced in your parka.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
