I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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