I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
