Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I checked into jail on foursquare
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
