nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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