in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
