you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
