then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
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Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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