I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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