Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
