I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
