dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
