I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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