Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
