Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
