I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
