i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
