one two three fourrrrnication!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
