But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Girls should come with a carfax report
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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