peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
