For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize