So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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