AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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