One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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