you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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