I smell stomach acid.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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