Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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