he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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