He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
