so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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