It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
