If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
