theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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