to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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