So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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