I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I understand Curling. That high.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
