I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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