Me. At least after what I've been through.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
