he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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