Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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