come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
