A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
