What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
