wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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