Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
