Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize