my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
