Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
