like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
