This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
