So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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