I wish I only lived at night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
