She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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