great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.