Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG