I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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