im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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