apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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