i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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