i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
