I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
