Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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