never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
