ya dads aren't the best wingmen
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
