my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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