i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
