Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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