Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
