While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize