i just had sex bonerless
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
