I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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